


Stop Holding Your Tongue

by uofmdragon



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Magic, M/M, Mages, Post-War, Prosthesis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-24
Updated: 2020-09-24
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:40:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25815952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uofmdragon/pseuds/uofmdragon
Summary: The War with Titan has ended and slowly troops are returning to Crownston to be processed, before returning home. Phil knows that Clint will be returning home and he has a chance to make amends for his previous mistakes. ((And Secretly, maybe, give him a second chance?))
Relationships: Clint Barton & Phil Coulson, Clint Barton/Phil Coulson
Comments: 27
Kudos: 46
Collections: 2020 ClintCoulson Remix: Quarantine Edition





	Stop Holding Your Tongue

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Let the words fall out](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5421359) by [weepingnaiad](https://archiveofourown.org/users/weepingnaiad/pseuds/weepingnaiad). 



> Written for the 2020 ClintCoulson Remix. It is a remix of Weepingnaiad's Let the words fall out. 
> 
> Title also comes from _Brave_ by Sara Bareilles
> 
> Beta by Lapilus

Phil watched at the long line of troops coming back from the frontline. The war with Titan had come to an end and now the soldiers were headed home. He scanned the troops, knowing that many of them would depart in the coming days to return to their home villages with gold, letters of recommendation, and their Queen's gratitude. Phil could have been watching the procession from the royal box, but he didn't want to be there. There was something he needed to do first.

"Any luck?" Melinda appeared next to him.

Phil almost twitched, but he managed to hold himself still. "No."

"Did Nick say he was with this battalion?" Melinda asked. 

"His last assignment was for this one, but final casualty reports are coming with the troops," Phil said as a wagon that would have been full of injured soldiers was pulled through. He could be in that wagon and Phil wouldn't know.

"Any luck?" Jasper said, coming up on Phil's other side.

"No," Melinda answered for Phil. 

"Did you all follow me just to watch what I presume will be a shit show?" Phil asked, a bit disgusted that his friends were meddling in his business. He specifically had slipped into the crowds to get away from everyone so that he could see _him_ without an audience.

"Nah, we came here to support you and take you to that Groovy Lord when it goes badly," Jasper replied.

"And to report to Nick," Melinda added.

Phil supposed that it was a blessing that as the Queen's Military Advisor that Nick was unable to join Phil in the crowds. He was about to say something, encourage his friends to leave him be, when Phil spotted him. His armor, like the others, was well worn, but he'd clearly put an effort into looking nice. The metal fastenings and studs shined in the sun as did the tack of the horse he rode. He'd aged since Phil had seen him last with more lines on his face, but a few appeared to be smile lines. Phil felt his breath catch in his throat at the sight of his smile as he talked to the man riding next to him. Still utterly gorgeous, Phil thought.

He moved, slipping through the crowds to follow along.

"Phil?" Jasper called.

"He saw him," Melinda answered.

They were most likely following him, but Phil did not look back. He knew they would be able to follow him. Having his cloak drape so that it hung only over his left shoulder, hiding his missing hand, gave him a distinctive look.

He ducked down an alley, taking a few shortcuts that he knew that would beat the procession back to the castle grounds. 

"Warmage," a voice called out to him as he approached the gates.

Phil stilled It had been forever since he had been called that. The great war magicks took two hands. The voice was familiar and it took him a moment for him to place the man. "Sergeant." 

"Bucky," the sergeant corrected.

"Phil."

Bucky smirked and nodded.

"Wakandan Prosthetic?" Phil said, noting the metal arm. "Or is it one of Stark's design?"

"Wakandan," Bucky stated. "They gifted me, since I lost it defending their border from Titan." He gave Phil a once over. "You hiding one under there?"

"No," Phil said. "The Circle of the Silver Flame does not permit them."

"Silver Flame, I thought you were part of the Crimson Dawn?"

Phil glanced away. "I was compromised and well, warmages need two hands."

"Which is basically the only magic the Crimson Dawn does," Bucky said with a slight nod.

"Phil!" Melinda called from behind him.

He turned to see both Melinda and Jasper catching up to him.

"Friends of yours?" Bucky asked.

"Unfortunately, they're being busybodies," Phil admitted as the pair caught up to him. "Have you met Melinda and Jasper?"

"Jasper," Bucky said, nodding at him and smiling at Melinda. "But not Melinda." 

"Melinda, this is Bucky Barnes, the hero of the Wakandan Winter," Phil said, introducing Bucky to her. "Bucky, this is Melinda, one of my oldest and dearest friends."

"It's a pleasure to meet you," Melinda said, extending her hand.

"Nice to meet you, too," Bucky said, taking her hand and bowing over it to press a kiss to the back of it. 

Melinda smiled as she looked at Bucky. "What brings you back to Crownston?"

"My friend Steve is due home," Bucky explained. "I thought he might want to see a familiar face."

"Oh, was he with the 27th regiment?" Jasper asked.

Bucky nodded.

"Ah, I hope that's not your lost love, Phil," Jasper said, waving at the guard at the gate. "Otherwise, you might have some competition with such a charmer."

Phil sighed. "No, Steve is not who I was looking for."

"Lost love?" Bucky asked as the group entered the grounds together. 

"He's hardly that," Phil said, mostly because Phil had chased him off before it could become anything more.

"That's not how Nick tells it," Melinda stated.

Bucky grinned. "And how does Nick tell it?"

"Melinda," Phil warned, hoping that she would stop.

"So back just before Phil was going to be sent to the front for the first time as a Warmage," Melinda said. "He met this guy and they basically disappeared into the woods for like a week."

"It wasn't the woods," Phil objected. "It was an inn, a very nice inn!"

"Phil left more than just bodily fluids," Melinda said.

"I thought Crimson Dawn mages weren't supposed to have sex…"

"We were allowed to have sex," Phil corrected. "It's considered a good physical release, just so long as there are no feelings involved."

"Were there feelings?" Bucky asked.

"Of course, there were feelings, we wouldn't be having this discussion, if there weren't," Jasper stated.

"A lack of attachments is required for war magick-" Phil felt the need to point out. "-and I did my duty for the Crimson Dawn."

"Translation - Phil repressed a lot of his feelings in the line of duty," Jasper replied.

"Regardless," Melinda said, gathering their attention. "Phil did his duties until loverboy showed up as the new archer for his entourage replacing that damn spy Ward."

"Heard about that, why all the Blue Gatekeepers came out of the woodwork for truth spelling and oath taking," Bucky said. "I'm guessing Phil did not handle this very well, because otherwise this story is more embarrassing than anything."

"No," Melinda stated.

"I was an asshole," Phil said, before anyone else could. "Went overboard to prove that he meant nothing to me and read him the riot act for any minor infraction."

"He basically ended it all while citing his order's standing regarding relationships," Natasha said as she approached them. "Hello, James," she leaned up and kissed Bucky's cheek.

"Natasha," Bucky greeted. "Have you been here this whole time?"

"Not much need for a spy, when the war is over," Natasha said. "Though… they may send me back to ensure that Titan is holding to the treaty. Right now, Her Royal Highness doesn't want me near the border. So are we airing Phil's dirty laundry in regards to Clint?"

"Clint?" Jasper repeated. "His name is Clint?"

"Yes," Phil said, wishing that he'd been able to keep the name from Jasper for a bit longer. "I was hoping for a chance to offer my apologies to him." He cast a look at Melinda and Jasper. "They're here for 'moral' support."

Natasha pursed her lips and arched an eyebrow. "And you James?"

"Steve is coming back, I was catching up with the War… Phil and got curious."

"Well, Clint didn't last long in Phil's entourage," Natasha said. "What with a broken heart and a hostile work environment."

Bucky snorted. "Hostile work environment describes the war, Natasha, but I do catch your meaning."

"It wasn't long after he was transferred that I lost control," Phil said. "Feelings such as the one I had, well, resulted in me being cast out of the order. Luckily, the Silver Flame took me and I've been relearning how to handle magic with feelings. They're not big on war magick, but I like what they do." He really was proud to be part of the Silver Flame, even more when he realized just how empty the Crimson Dawn mages that had served for the duration of the war ended up.

"You better not blame him for your change in status," Natasha growled.

"What change?" Phil asked, because while he was no longer a part of the Crimson Dawn, his counsel was still valued by Nick and by Maria. "While my school of magic has changed, my status with the court has not. Regardless, my feelings and my response to my own feelings are my own. I need to apologize. I will admit I was hoping to do so without an audience."

"Yeah, well, I haven't seen Clint in a long time," Natasha said, crossing her arms.

"Then perhaps you will permit me some time to make arrangements to present my apology after you have had time to reconnect," Phil said.

"So formal Coulson," Natasha remarked, turning to walk over to where the regiment was in the process of being assigned quarters, meet with those that had made arrangements, or for some, leaving today as their family lived in the city. "You still sound like a Crimson Dawn mage."

"Old habit," Phil admitted, looking out into the crowd of soldiers. He could make out both Nick and Maria down there as part of people helping to ensure that all were taken care of for the week as they were slowly discharged. The first regiment that had returned, it had been more chaotic, but now it was a more organized chaos. He glanced over at Bucky. "Steve's last name was…?"

"Rogers," Bucky answered.

It was easy to summon the wind sprites to go and whisper into Nick's and Maria's ears the person Steve Rogers and Clint Barton were looking for were on the Western Hill. The sprite returned and Phil pulled out a small vial of honey mead and filled the little cups. "Thank you."

The sprites giggled and slipped away, ruffling Natasha and Bucky's hair.

"Nick and Maria know to send Steve and Clint our way," Phil said, tucking the bottle back in his bag. 

"You couldn't send the message directly to them?" Natasha asked.

"No," Phil said, shaking his head. "Well, maybe Clint, but he still needs to get the information and let someone know he's made arrangements for his own lodging. Nick and Maria will pass that information down the line."

"I'm surprised General Fury's down there."

"Members of the Royal Family are also down there working," Phil pointed out. "Look, there is the princess herself escorting soldiers to their barrack rooms."

"Really?" Bucky said. "That's a big change from when I came back."

"Well, we are at peace," Phil pointed out.

"True," Bucky agreed, taking a deep breath. "Have any of you worked it?"

"Yes, all of them, except this one," Phil said. "I wanted… I didn't want to run into Clint down there."

"Well, that would have the potential to be…" Jasper said, trailing off.

"Explosive?" Bucky suggested.

"Entertaining?" was Natasha's.

"Embarrassing?" came from Melinda.

"All of the above," Phil decided. 

They fell silent as they watched the group slowly get smaller as the sun started to set.

"Ah, there's Steve," Bucky said, starting to wave his arms. Then he cupped his hands and yelled out the other man's name. Phil watched as Steve started and scanned the crowd, eyes finally landing on Bucky. Steve started running up the hill and Bucky moved to meet him, pulling the other man into a hug. 

Phil watched until an elbow landed in his side. He glanced down to see Natasha staring further down the hill. Following her line of sight, he found Clint, staring up at them. Phil offered a feeble wave, but he seemed not to notice. Looking back at Natasha caused Phil to realize that they were involved in a stare off. Phil sighed and started to move away, but Natasha's hand reached and grabbed the cloak where his hand should be. 

She jolted, face paling as she stared at him with a questioning look.

"You're a spy, I thought you knew," Phil said softly. 

"I heard rumors," Natasha said softly. "I wasn't sure I could believe them, if I should, you were always…" She trailed off looking down the hill where Clint was now heading up it with a stormy look.

"There is a reason the Crimson Dawn outlaws attachments and unfortunately, he inspired them in me," Phil said softly. "I could have stayed with them, but I would have to give him up, and I didn't want to. It was my choice to leave."

"What the hell, Tasha?" Clint growled as he came close to them.

Phil glanced over to see her staring at him, before looking at Clint again. 

"I…" Natasha started. "I think you should talk." She pulled him into a hug, taking his bag, and stepped aside. She glanced at Phil. "Don't mess this up." With that she turned to walk off.

"Tasha!" Clint said, before looking back at him. "What did you do to her?"

"Nothing," Phil said.

"Can confirm," Melinda added.

Phil jumped, forgetting that the other two were still there and watching. He glanced back at Clint to see him eyeing the other two. "Melinda May and Jasper Sitwell."

"I remember Melinda," Clint said, nodding at her.

Melinda nodded back. "Good to see you, Barton."

"Can we take a walk?" Phil suggested. "The gardens are… private."

"Well, I don't even know where I'm sleeping and I just told them-" he gestured toward the regiment. "-that I didn't need their housing."

"We can follow and ask," a small voice said in Phil's ear. He glanced to see the air sprite looking over his shoulder at Clint. A second hovered just beyond. 

"Please," Phil requested. "Be polite, no hair pulling."

"But she has such nice hair," The far one said with a pout.

"And she does want to cut knots out of it, because you two couldn't contain yourselves."

The pair shared a look, before giggling and taking off. 

"Those are new," Clint stated.

"First time they've volunteered," Phil noted. "I must be progressing."

"Oo, the Great Warmage is getting more powerful," Clint snarked.

"Something like that, you didn't answer my questions about the garden?"

Clint sighed. "Why not?"

Phil offered a small smile, before looking back at Jasper and Melinda. It appeared that Bucky and Steve had already slipped off. "Privacy please."

"Sure, we'll be down at the pub in case this blows up in your face," Jasper said.

Phil scowled, but turned to lead Clint to the gardens. "You look…" healthy was the word on the tip of his tongue, something that he had commonly said as Crimson Dawn. "Good."

"Good?" Clint repeated.

Phil nodded. "I need to apologize to you. I did not treat you fairly and I… I should have returned for further training rather than laying into you."

"Further training?"

"I let my emotions get the better of me," Phil admitted.

"I thought Crimson Dawn were above that."

"They're supposed to be," Phil agreed as they stepped into the gardens.

Clint nodded and then paused. "They?"

"I left the order," Phil admitted. "I lost control and decided to try a new path."

"A new path?"

"The Silver Flame."

"Oh, so you're still doing magic, which makes me wonder why I'm here?"

"The Silver Flame believes that denying emotions makes you, well, a cold hearted bastard in most cases and frankly a piss poor mage," Phil said.

"Oh," Clint said.

"As my old compatriots come home, I'm finding that true. They've done some amazing, horrible things on the battlefield to turn the tides, and it appears to have cost them dearly." Phil frowned and he looked at Clint. "You pushed me onto a path that spared me that fate, so I also owe you my gratitude."

Clint stopped, looking closely at Phil. "I thought…"

"That my feelings for you were a bad thing?"

Clint nodded.

"I thought that at the time and now, well…" Phil struggled, trying to figure out how best to word this. "Now, I certainly don't and the Archmage of the Silver Flame believes I should apologize and attempt to make amends."

Clint frowned. "Is that why you're here? Because your archmage told you to."

"No," Phil said, quickly and then considered it. "Well… no."

"You don't sound too sure."

Phil sighed. "I'm here because I wanted to see you, I wanted to talk to you, but I was afraid to as well. I spoke to the Archmage about my fears and she said I should confront them and encouraged me to talk to you sooner rather than later."

"Why'd Natasha leave?"

"Because she discovered the rumors were true that there is a reason Crimson Dawn members do not allow themselves to feel," Phil said.

Clint snorted. "Really?"

Phil reached over and flipped the cloak up, so that Clint could see the missing arm. "My magic backfired. I was forced back here and given the choice to be purged of you or leave the order. I left as I could not bear the thought of a world without you, even if all I have now are one joyful memory followed by increasingly more painful ones." Phil hesitated, taking a deep breath. "And now that I know you've made it off the battlefield, I can hope."

"Hope for what?" Clint asked.

"That you will forgive me, that we can become friends, and…" Phil hesitated, but he knew he didn't dare to deny it. "That we can be more than friends, but I know that is the least likely."

"Yeah, definitely not there yet," Clint muttered.

The 'yet' made Phil's heart flip and he closed his eyes a moment and revelled in that surge of pure joy. He opened his eyes to see Clint watching him.

"You okay?"

"You said, 'yet'. Made me happy," Phil admitted.

"That's all it takes?"

"From you, yes. You know I don't expect anything?"

"I think I got that when you started talking about memories and hope."

"Yes, well, I wanted to be clear."

"Thank you," Clint said.

"Also, I, uh, well, I have something for you, kind of."

"A present?"

Phil nodded. "Valkyrie is bringing up a string of horses and I heard that you lost yours in the last battle, and even if you hadn't, it'd be about time to start training a new one. I've arranged for you to have first choice." He reached into his bag to pull out a small packet and offer it. "The horse is yours and I've paid for their best, so make sure you choose the best."

Clint blinked.

"Well, best one for you. I thought about picking one out, but well, I know next to nothing about horses, but I do know that you know it and that archers need something different than…"

Clint grabbed the front of his jacket and pulled him off balance, but he also caught Phil with his lips? Clint's lips were on his? 

Clint pulled back slightly, while Phil was trying to process this change. "I thought you were interested in me?"

"Sorry, um, what?"

"Shut up and kiss me."

Well, that was an order that Phil felt like following. He leaned in and kissed Clint, moaning softly as Clint pulled him more firmly against Clint's body. He hadn't expected it, hadn't even dared hope for it and here it was. He pulled back. "Does this mean I'm forgiven?"

Clint snorted. "No, but I know I will, and hell, if this war has shown us anything, it's life is short and I don't wait."

Phil nodded, thinking of some other ways. Maybe a new bow? Clint liked bows.

"No, buying me any other thing, the horse is… extravagant and generous," Clint stated.

"What about for special occasions?"

"Like?"

"Birthday, midwinter, midsummer…"

"I believe the traditional midsummer gift is flowers." He sighed. "You're not going to buy my forgiveness or my love. Forgiveness will come in time as I see that these changes are lasting. OK?"

"OK," Phil agreed.

"And I want the real Phil," Clint added. "Not someone who let's me boss him around, because he feels guilty about the past."

"That would probably be another form of repression, which would be against the Silver Flame code. The archmage would be quite upset if I did that."

Clint chuckled. "Well, you'll have to introduce me to her, so I can threaten you with that."

"Oh, I'm fairly sure she'll introduce herself to you within the next day or two. Gossip travels fast and Jasper is a major player."

"Maybe, you should turn up at the bar, looking all sad and shit, fuck with 'em a bit."

"I don't think I could fake sad right now," Phil admitted as the air sprite ruffled Clint's hair and he felt a breeze against the back of his neck.

"We found her," said the one on his neck. "She has a two room suite on the third floor…"

"In the Setting sun wing, second from the end," the one in Clint's hair finished. "Oo, he has soft hair too!" She draped herself forward a bit, so that she was looking at Clint upside down. "You should grow it out more!"

"Maybe," Clint said. "Did she happen to say what side?"

The sprite squeaked and launched upwards. Phil felt the breeze as the other one left.

"I'm guessing they forgot," Phil said. "Still narrows it down to two rooms. I'd guess the one overlooking the pasture."

"Show me?" Clint requested, wrapping an arm around Phil's waist. 

"Gladly," Phil agreed with a smile.

**Author's Note:**

> For reference, this is how I picture Phil's [outfit](https://punkdesign.shop/products/steampunk-military-style-long-coat?variant=612869505041%22), just navy with silver trim.


End file.
